Stonewalling is a term that is often used in legal proceedings, but it can also be used in personal relationships. It is a tactic that is used to avoid communication or to delay a response. When someone stonewalls you, they are essentially putting up a wall and refusing to communicate with you. This can be very frustrating and can lead to tension and conflict. In this blog post, we will explore the definition of stonewalling, the effects it can have on relationships, and how to deal with it when it happens.
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What Is Stonewalling?
Stonewalling is a form of emotional abuse that can be used in any type of relationship. It is the act of shutting down and refusing to communicate with your partner. This can be done through silence, verbal attacks, or just ignoring your partner altogether.
Stonewalling is often used as a way to avoid conflict or diffuse an argument. The person doing the stonewalling feels like they are in control and by not responding, they are able to avoid dealing with the issue at hand.
The effects of stonewalling can be devastating for a relationship. When one person shuts down and refuses to communicate, it creates a rift between the couple that can be very difficult to repair.
Types of Stonewalling
There are many different types of stonewalling. Some of the most common include:
Emotional Stonewalling
This type of stonewalling is when the person shuts down emotionally. They refuse to share their feelings or thoughts with their partner. This can be very damaging to a relationship, as it prevents the couple from building any kind of emotional connection. Sometimes the person doing the stonewalling will act like they are not affected by what is going on, but inside they may be feeling a lot of pain and anger.
Physical Stonewalling
This type of stonewalling is when the person shuts down physically. They may refuse to make eye contact or turn their body away from their partner. This can be very damaging to a relationship, as it prevents the couple from physically connecting with each other. This will also often lead to the couple feeling disconnected from each other.
Verbal Stonewalling
This type of stonewalling is when the person refuses to talk to their partner. They may refuse to answer any questions or just ignore their partner altogether. This can be very damaging to a relationship, as it prevents the couple from communicating with each other. This will often lead to the couple feeling like they are not on the same page and that they are not being heard.
Signs of Stonewalling
There are many signs of stonewalling. If you notice that your partner is shutting down and refusing to communicate, there is a good chance that they are using stonewalling as a way to deal with conflict.
Some common signs of stonewalling include:
Ignorance
Ignorance is one of the hallmarks of stonewalling. If your partner refuses to listen to you or answer your questions, they are likely stonewalling. This can be very frustrating and can make you feel like your partner doesn’t care about what you have to say. This sign is especially common in cases of emotional abuse.
Verbal Attacks
Another sign of stonewalling is verbal attacks. If your partner starts attacking you verbally, they may be using stonewalling as a way to get control over the situation. They may feel like they are powerless and by attacking you, they are able to regain some of that power.
Refusal To Cooperate
If your partner refuses to cooperate with you or work with you on resolving an issue, they may be stonewalling. This sign usually goes hand in hand with verbal attacks. If your partner is refusing to cooperate, it means that they are not interested in resolving the conflict.
Anger
If your partner becomes angry when you try to talk to them, this is a sign that they are stonewalling. This type of anger is often used as a way to shut down the conversation and avoid dealing with the issue at hand. This sign is common in situations where there is a lot of tension and conflict.
Silence
Silence is another common sign of stonewalling. If your partner becomes silent when you try to talk to them, they may be using this as a way to avoid the issue. Silence can be just as damaging as verbal attacks and can make you feel like your partner doesn’t care about what you have to say.
Withdrawal
Withdrawal is another sign of stonewalling. If your partner withdraws from you or pulls away, they may be using this as a way to avoid conflict. This can be very damaging to a relationship and can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. It can also make you feel like your partner doesn’t want to be around you.
Inappropriate Accusations
Inappropriate accusations are another sign of stonewalling. If your partner starts accusing you of things that aren’t true, they may be using this as a way to deflect attention from the issue at hand. This is common in cases of emotional abuse.
Ineffective Listening
Ineffective listening is another sign of stonewalling. If your partner isn’t paying attention to what you are saying, they may be using this as a way to avoid the issue. This can be very frustrating and can make you feel like your concerns aren’t being taken seriously.
Reasons of Stonewalling
There are many reasons for stonewalling. Some of these are:
Control
Control can be a big reason for stonewalling. Some people use this as a way to control the situation and avoid conflict. It all comes down to the need for power and control.
Fear
Fear can also be a reason for stonewalling. Some people are afraid of conflict and they will use this as a way to avoid it. They may feel like they are powerless in the situation and by this, they are able to regain some of that power.
Frustration
Frustration can also be a reason for stonewalling. When people are frustrated, they often don’t know how to deal with the conflict. This can lead to them using stonewalling as a way to avoid dealing with the issue.
Guilt
Guilt can also be a reason for stonewalling. Some people feel guilty about the way they are acting and they will use this as a way to avoid conflict. They may feel like they are wrong and by stonewalling, they are able to avoid admitting that they are wrong.
Defensive
When people are defensive, they often use stonewalling as a way to avoid conflict. They may feel like they are under attack and by using this technique, they are able to protect themselves from the other person’s anger. This is common in cases of emotional abuse.
Sadness
Sadness can also be a reason for this. Some people use this as a way to avoid conflict because they don’t want to deal with their feelings. They may feel like it’s too painful or overwhelming to deal with the situation head-on.
Annoyance
Annoyance can also be a reason for stonewalling. When people are annoyed, they may not want to deal with the conflict. This can lead to them using this technique as a way to avoid dealing with the issue.
Impact of Stonewalling
There are many negative impacts of this. Some of these include:
Lack of Communication
When people stonewall, it often leads to a breakdown in communication. This can be very damaging to a relationship and can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. This also makes it difficult to resolve any issues that may be present in the relationship.
Destruction of Relationship
Stonewalling can also lead to the destruction of a relationship. This is because it often causes a breakdown in communication and can lead to resentment and anger. It can also cause feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Emotional Abuse
In some cases, stonewalling can be used as a form of emotional abuse. This is when someone uses silence or withdrawal as a way to control their partner. It can also be used as a way to isolate the other person and make them feel like they are powerless.
Depression
Dealing with stonewalling can often lead to depression. This is because it can cause a breakdown in communication and can lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness. It can also be damaging to a relationship.
Escape
In some cases, people will use stonewalling as an escape from the conflict. This is common in cases of emotional abuse. When someone uses this technique, they are able to avoid dealing with their emotions and the other person’s anger. Some people may also use stonewalling as a way to avoid dealing with their feelings of guilt.
How To Deal With Stonewalling?
There are many ways to deal with stonewalling. Some of these include:
Talk To Person
If someone is stonewalling, the best thing to do is talk to them about it. This can be difficult, but it’s often the only way to resolve the conflict. You need to make sure that you are respectful and understanding when you talk to them.
Express Your Feelings
Another way to deal with this is to express your feelings. This can be difficult, but it’s important for the person who is stonewalling to know how you’re feeling. It can also help them understand why they are using this technique.
Get Professional Help
In some cases, it may be necessary to get professional help. If it is causing a breakdown in communication or if it’s being used as emotional abuse, then you may need to see a therapist. This can help you resolve the conflict and improve your relationship.
Try To Understand
When someone is stonewalling, it’s important to try and understand why they are doing it. This can be difficult, but it’s important to make an effort to understand their perspective. You may also need to ask them why they are using this technique.
Conclusion
Stonewalling can be a damaging technique that can have negative impacts on a relationship. Some of the impacts include a breakdown in communication, destruction of the relationship, and emotional abuse. There are many ways to deal with stonewalling, but the best way is to talk to the person who is using this technique. You need to be respectful and understanding when you talk to them. It’s also important to express your feelings and try to understand their perspective.
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