Arguing With a Narcissist: Why It’s a Total Waste of Time

Arguing With a Narcissist

Do you find yourself in constant arguments with your partner, friend, or family member? And do you always feel like you’re losing? You might be dealing with a narcissist. Narcissists are masters of manipulation and can make you feel like you’re the one who is wrong, no matter what. In this blog post, we will discuss what it takes for arguing with a narcissist. We will cover everything from understanding them to disarming them to winning the argument. Let’s get started!

Understanding a Narcissist

Arguing With a Narcissist

Narcissists are difficult people to deal with. They are usually very intelligent, articulate, and have a way with words. But they also have a dark side. Narcissists can be manipulative, egotistical, and selfish. They often use people to get what they want and then discard them when they are no longer useful.

Types of Narcissist

There are three main types of narcissists: grandiose, vulnerable, and malignant.

  • Grandiose narcissists are the most common type. They are extroverted, charming, and full of themselves. They love to be the center of attention and crave admiration.
  • Malignant narcissists are the most dangerous type. They are manipulative, aggressive, and cruel. They have no empathy for others and will do anything to get what they want.
  • Vulnerable narcissists are more introverted and shy than grandiose narcissists. They are also more sensitive to criticism and are easily hurt.

Signs of Narcissist

There are several signs that someone may be a narcissist. They include:

  • Being arrogant and bossy
  • Being exploitative of others
  • Having a sense of entitlement
  • Needing constant attention and admiration
  • Being preoccupied with power, success, and appearance

Causes And Risk Factors

There is no one cause of narcissism. It is thought to be a combination of genetic and environmental factors.

  • Being exposed to trauma or abuse
  • Having narcissistic parents
  • Being raised in a dysfunctional family
  • Having an overinflated sense of self-importance

Arguing With a Narcissist

Arguing With a Narcissist

If you find yourself arguing with a narcissist, there are some things you can do to beat them.

Why Winning An Argument Is Important to Them

Narcissists need to win arguments for two reasons.

  • First, it boosts their ego.
  • Second, it gives them a sense of control.

They see it as a sign of their superiority. Also, they use it as a way to control and manipulate others. Therefore, winning an argument is more important than anything in their narcissistic game. It is their first step to give their victim a psychological blow and topple them down.

Why Narcissists Are Good At Winning Arguments

Narcissists are good at winning arguments for two reasons.

  • First, they are usually very intelligent and articulate.
  • Second, they are masters of manipulation.

Moreover, when you are arguing with a narcissist, they will use any means necessary to win. This includes lying, gaslighting, and manipulating the facts. They will also try to make you look bad and discredit your arguments. This makes it difficult to beat them in an argument.

Seven Toxic Arguing Techniques

Here are seven toxic arguing techniques used by narcissists:

  • Gaslighting: This is when the narcissist tries to make you doubt your memory and perception of events. They may deny that something happened or tell you that you are imagining things.
  • Projection: This is when the narcissist projects their thoughts and feelings onto you. For example, they may accuse you of being selfish when they are the ones who are being selfish.
  • Triangulation: This is when the narcissist involves other people in the argument to take sides. They may try to make you feel like you are crazy or that everyone is against you.
  • Diversion: This is when the narcissist changes the subject of the argument to something else. They may try to distract you with their problems or make you feel guilty about something.
  • Name-calling: This is when the narcissist calls you names or insults you. They may try to make you feel like you are not good enough or that you are worthless.
  • Silence: This is when the narcissist refuses to talk or listen to you. They may give you the silent treatment or walk away from the argument.
  • Threats: This is when the narcissist threatens you with violence or harm. They may also threaten to leave you or take away your children.

Disarming a Narcissist In An Argument

Arguing With a Narcissist

There are several things you can do to disarm a narcissist in an argument.

  • Be assertive: Stand up for yourself and don’t let the narcissist push you around.
  • Make a logical argument: Use facts and logic to support your position.
  • Don’t take the bait: Don’t rise to the narcissist’s provocations or insults. Keep your cool and don’t let them get to you.
  • Set boundaries: Let the narcissist know what you will and won’t tolerate. For example, you might say, “I’m not going to discuss this with you if you are going to be disrespectful.”
  • Be prepared: Know what points you want to make in the argument and have evidence to back them up. This will help you stay focused and on track.
  • Don’t engage: You might want to consider walking away from the argument if the narcissist is being too toxic. This will give you time to calm down and regroup.

Beating a Narcissist In An Argument

There are several things you can do to beat a narcissist in an argument.

  • Don’t argue: This is probably the most important thing. Narcissists love to argue and they are very good at it. They will try to bait you into an argument so they can win.
  • Know your stuff: Be prepared for the argument and know what points you want to make. This will help you stay focused and on track. And, it will make it harder for the narcissist to manipulate you.
  • Don’t get emotional: Narcissists are experts at pushing your buttons and getting you worked up. Try to stay calm and don’t let them get to you.
  • Walk away: You might want to consider walking away from the argument if it’s getting too heated. This will give you time to calm down and regroup.
  • Ignore them: Sometimes the best way to deal with a narcissist is to just ignore them. They will eventually get bored and move on to someone else.

Power Phrases

Arguing With a Narcissist

Here are some power phrases you can use against a narcissist:

  • “I’m not going to listen to this.”
  • “I’m done with this conversation.”
  • “You’re just trying to manipulate me.”
  • “I’m not going to let you control me.”
  • “I don’t have to explain myself to you.”
  • “I’m not going to tolerate your disrespect.”

Effect Of These Phrases On Narcissists

The effect of these phrases is that they shut down the narcissist’s supply of narcissistic fuel. Narcissists need to feel like they are in control and they need to be right. When you use these phrases, you take away their power and make them feel insignificant.

These phrases also let the narcissist know that you are not going to tolerate their toxic behavior. This is important because it sets boundaries and lets them know that you are not going to be a doormat.

NOTE: Arguing with a narcissist is a waste of time because they will never admit that they are wrong. They will also never apologize or take responsibility for their actions. So, it’s best to just walk away and ignore them.


Arguing with a narcissist can be a frustrating and difficult experience. But if you keep these tips in mind, you’ll be better prepared to handle the situation. Remember, the most important thing is to stay calm and focused on what you want to achieve. And don’t forget that you have the power in the relationship. You can’t change the narcissist, but you can control how you react to them.

A Word From Therapy Mantra

Your mental health — Your psychological, emotional, and social well-being — has an impact on every aspect of your life. Positive mental health essentially allows you to effectively deal with life’s everyday challenges.

At TherapyMantra, we have a team of therapists who provide affordable online therapy to assist you with issues such as depression, anxiety, stress, workplace Issues, addiction, relationship, OCD, LGBTQ, and PTSD. You can book a free therapy or download our free Android or iOS app.