Do you ever feel like you’re always trying to please guys? Do you find yourself constantly seeking validation from them? If so, you’re not alone. A lot of women struggle with this issue. In this blog post, we’ll discuss why it’s important to stop seeking validation from guys and learn to be independent instead. We’ll also offer some tips on how to achieve this goal.
Why Do We Seek Validation From Men?
Wanting validation and appreciation is a human need. As social beings, we like receiving acknowledgment and praise. However, there is a very thin line between appreciating positive feedback and intentionally doing things to seek the said validation. If not monitored this need can quickly turn into an unhealthy obsession which can further have various negative impacts on one’s life.
But why do we have this particular need of seeking validation? There can be a variety of reasons behind this mentality.
One of the main reasons why women seek validation from men is because they want to feel loved and accepted. When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s easy to believe that you need someone else’s approval to be happy. Unfortunately, this often leads to a vicious cycle. The more you seek validation from guys, the less likely you are to find it. This is because when you’re always looking for approval, you come across as desperate and needy. Guys can sense this and it puts them off.
Another reason is that we live in a society that tells us we need a man to be happy. This is false! The ingrained patriarchal standards which we are taught to fulfill since a young age have a heavily toxic idea of men-and-women relationships. They often present an image where the woman is dependent on the man and vice versa. This is not only unrealistic but also damaging. It perpetuates the idea that we, as women, cannot be happy or fulfilled without a man by our side. This way of thinking needs to be changed.
It is also observed that children, particularly girls, who weren’t given adequate care, attention, and nurturing as kids tend to be more attention-seeking and prone to people-pleasing behaviors to make up for the lack of care in their home life. Having high maintenance and difficulty pleasing parent(s) can shape the way we act around others. This not only damages the individual’s familial relations but also forms a rather negative impact on other social/intimate/friendly relationships.
Having unaddressed past trauma such as assault, abuse, abandonment, infidelity, and betrayal can leave a void of feelings that one may try to fill by seeking external, often temporary, attention.
How Does It Impact You?
High and unhealthy levels of external validation impact our psychological and emotional balance. These impacts not only affect the individual but also those around them. These consequences include:
- low self-esteem
- excessive mood swings
- high levels of codependency
- weak decision-making skills
- irritable/angry moods for no reason
- body image issues
- engaging in risky sexual behaviors
- strained personal/social relationships
- high vulnerability to substance abuse/addiction
- tendency to be taken advantage of
- unhealthy boundaries
- gaps in open and honest communication
Tips To Manage This Behavior
If you’re seeking validation from guys all the time, it’s likely impacting your self-esteem and confidence. Not to mention, it can also lead to some pretty toxic relationships. After all, if you’re constantly trying to please someone else and get their approval, when do you ever get the chance to focus on what you want and what makes you happy?
Fortunately, there are a few things you can do to manage this behavior. These tips will enable you to be emotionally and mentally independent, raise morale, and improve your quality of life.
Seek Professional Help
Taking help from a mental health professional will help you map out your behavior pattern, recognize your weaknesses, accept the reality and come up with strategies to deal and cope with these tendencies.
Some approaches commonly used by therapists to deal with these issues include:
- Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy
- Humanistic/Client-Centered Counseling
- Rational Emotive Therapy
- Mindfulness-Based Therapy
- Narrative Therapy
Work On Your Self-Esteem
One of the main reasons women seek validation from men is because they have low self-esteem. Investing time and effort in self-care can enhance your sense of self-image and provide a more fulfilling outlook on yourself. That’s why it’s so important to work on your self-esteem. This can be done in several ways such as:
- practicing self-love
- accepting compliments gracefully
- repeating positive affirmations
- avoiding self-deprecating attitudes
- spending quality alone time
- experimenting with different looks and styles
- talking to yourself the way you talk to someone you love
Think For Yourself
Another reason women seek validation from guys is that they don’t know how to think for themselves. They rely on others to tell them what to do and what to like. If this sounds like you, it’s time to start making your own decisions. Trust your gut and don’t be afraid to go against the grain.
Focus On Your Happiness
When you’re always seeking approval from others, you’re not giving yourself a chance to focus on your happiness. So, make it a priority to do things that make you happy – regardless of what other people think. This could be anything from taking up a new hobby to traveling solo.
Reading About Feminist Ideologies
Feminism believes in making people self-empowered and confident within their selves. Read about feminist ideologies, role models, ideas, and incidents to draw inspiration from people who have been through similar struggles and difficulties.
Evaluate Your Surroundings
Having strong and trustworthy social and emotional support provides a healthy sense of validation. Those who genuinely like you for who you are won’t demand effort to be there for you. Utilize this love and trust to rebuild your self-image.
If you find that you’re constantly seeking validation from the people around you, it might be time to evaluate your surroundings. Are the people in your life worth your time and energy? If they don’t make you feel good about yourself, it might be time to cut them out of your life.
It can be difficult to break out of this pattern of behavior of seeking external validation, but it is possible with effort, perseverance, and self-compassion. Take things one day at a time and focus on making progress – not perfection. Remember, you are worthy and deserving of love and respect – without needing anyone else’s approval. Seek professional help if needed and most importantly, be gentle with yourself throughout this process. After all, changing long-standing
A Word From Therapy Mantra
Your mental health — Your psychological, emotional, and social well-being — has an impact on every aspect of your life. Positive mental health essentially allows you to effectively deal with life’s everyday challenges.
At TherapyMantra, we have a team of therapists who provide affordable online therapy to assist you with issues such as depression, anxiety, stress, workplace Issues, addiction, relationship, OCD, LGBTQ, and PTSD. You can book a free therapy or download our free Android or iOS app.